"i'm the creation, You're the Creator, i am imperfect, You're the Redeemer, i'm filled with questions, You are the Answer, i am a sinner, You are my Savior. You are the One for me. and i belong to You. for the record i'm a full-time failure, You know me better than i know myself." -Mandi Mapes, "You're the one for me"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm jealous

I'm so jealous of others right now. I want to be them. I want to be these people:
Katie, living with 13 girls and ministering to hundreds in Uganda.
Sarah, moving her family to Lima Peru to start a ministry for women to move out of poverty

I don't want to be here. Right in this moment, I don't want to be in Nashville. I want to be anywhere but here. Maybe not anywhere, but not America. I feel so useless sitting here in my computer lab, typing away on my laptop, trying to write a paper. I want to go.

If you know me, you know that this is kinda weird. I don't like change, and don't like to be away from home, really. I'm a homebody, call my mom everyday kinda person. I've been feeling this way for a while though. Last week sucked, because I felt the weight of it all day. I wouldn't leave my room and would cry. Crying for all those people out there who need Jesus, as well as things of this world. I so want to give that to them, and show them Jesus.

I just read something that perfectly summed this up for me. Katie was discussing how she lives this crazy life, but she wants people to see Jesus, her girls and those around her.

Now, this is not the post where I make the announcement I'm quitting school and going off to another country. Mainly, because I don't know where to go from here. In a talk with a wonderful friend, she shared that God puts us to use anywhere, and I don't have to go to Africa to be Jesus. Vanderbilt needs me just as much.

This is the post where I ask for your prayers. It's easy to say that God wants me at Vanderbilt, but He may not. At this point I just don't know. And for that I ask you to think and pray. But pray for yourself. Are you really following what God wants. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I am seeking. I just hope that you are too.

(And you can pray for me. but don't get so caught up in hoping that I do the right thing that you don't)

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