"i'm the creation, You're the Creator, i am imperfect, You're the Redeemer, i'm filled with questions, You are the Answer, i am a sinner, You are my Savior. You are the One for me. and i belong to You. for the record i'm a full-time failure, You know me better than i know myself." -Mandi Mapes, "You're the one for me"

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I'm jealous

I'm so jealous of others right now. I want to be them. I want to be these people:
Katie, living with 13 girls and ministering to hundreds in Uganda.
Sarah, moving her family to Lima Peru to start a ministry for women to move out of poverty

I don't want to be here. Right in this moment, I don't want to be in Nashville. I want to be anywhere but here. Maybe not anywhere, but not America. I feel so useless sitting here in my computer lab, typing away on my laptop, trying to write a paper. I want to go.

If you know me, you know that this is kinda weird. I don't like change, and don't like to be away from home, really. I'm a homebody, call my mom everyday kinda person. I've been feeling this way for a while though. Last week sucked, because I felt the weight of it all day. I wouldn't leave my room and would cry. Crying for all those people out there who need Jesus, as well as things of this world. I so want to give that to them, and show them Jesus.

I just read something that perfectly summed this up for me. Katie was discussing how she lives this crazy life, but she wants people to see Jesus, her girls and those around her.

Now, this is not the post where I make the announcement I'm quitting school and going off to another country. Mainly, because I don't know where to go from here. In a talk with a wonderful friend, she shared that God puts us to use anywhere, and I don't have to go to Africa to be Jesus. Vanderbilt needs me just as much.

This is the post where I ask for your prayers. It's easy to say that God wants me at Vanderbilt, but He may not. At this point I just don't know. And for that I ask you to think and pray. But pray for yourself. Are you really following what God wants. I'm not sure where to go from here, but I am seeking. I just hope that you are too.

(And you can pray for me. but don't get so caught up in hoping that I do the right thing that you don't)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

be prepared to cry

This post will require a little back story. My cousin's good friend is adopting from Ethiopia (they bring their little Addison home forever tomorrow!). I've been reading her blog, because its really exciting to see people I know going through adoption. They have a little side roll of other Ethiopian blogs, which I perused through. I found one I loved (it looked pretty), and I followed their story. These people (dunlapadoption.com) are actually people from NAshville, the father is a pastor at Green Hills. Again, really cool to see it.
I was talking to my mentor about my new obsession with these adoption blogs. I would seriously spend hours going through and reading the entire thing to hear all the stories. I said that I realize I'm not in this stage, but its cool. I've always had a heart for adoption, in a weird way. It's hard to describe, but its totally God.
So I again kept roaming around blog land. I happened upon this blog a few times, from very different blogs, kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com  I skipped over it the first few times. Today I found it again, happenstancely, and read one of her posts about adoption. However, there are some things you should know about Katie before we get any farther. Katie is 21/22 (not totally sure as of this moment) living in Uganda, and the MOTHER to 14 little girls. YEah you read that right. she's their mother. She also started a ministry providing sponsorship, education, food ect. to 400 children. She's 21. I was blown away. Talk about someone who is listening to the Lord, and completely following through. THere are some incredible stories I've read from her, but what truly broke me was this video:

Did you watch it. both of them? did you cry? Because i surely did. bawled my eyes out sitting in my dorm room in the dark. 

There are still lots of thoughts about this, but the statement, "If you believe all in the Bible, what does your life show about it?" has been hitting me over and over again since I first heard it at Passion. Jesus calls us to care for the widowed and orphaned (James 1:27). He's demanded it of us. But do we do it? I know I don't. I
m too young, too poor, what can i really do. This 21 year old follower has listened to God, and her obedience is saving lives. God is incredible. 

I hope that one day I can adopt, but right now I can do other things. go on mission trips (16 days!). sponsor a child. you'll find the money. God will provide for his people. 

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

blast from God

so i have begun the radical bible plan. Gen. 1-2 for the first day. besides just reading through the Bible, i have also begun something my mom told me about, which is journaling based off a bible verse a day from my reading. i thought it sounded very interesting, so imma try that to. thats sort of what this post is based off of. The verse that stuck out to me today was Gen. 2:7:
The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. 
Now what i first thought was interesting was that Gen. 1:27 had God created man. So i was a little thrown that now was when God was forming man and breathing life into him. so i was checking out the strong's numbers (which give insight into the Hebrew or Greek of the word) for some different words in them. first i looked at formed, which was very similar to the other times formed has been found in the English translation. so nice to know, but not as interesting as the other two things i found.

First, "breath of life" using the Strongs words for life, can also mean the wisdom of God. Is that crazy or what?? By breathing life into the nose of man, God imparted wisdom into us. Also, breath in the KJV is also found as blast. (This was my favorite). God wasn't just sharing a little puff of air. A BLAST of God hit man, as the Creator and Sovereign LORD imparted wisdom and life into man. How often do i make little of this? too often.

Also cool (at least i thought) was the living being. in the King James Version this is more like a soul. So before when we could have been just robots following, as living creatures, but now we have a soul. Something that can separate us from the other living creatures and give us free will.

These two things, that God imparted wisdom, power, and free will on us humble me completely. Too often I think we look at God as a lovey dovey man, but He is the Creator of the Universe, of Life, of Everything we could ever know. HE deserves much more awe and wonder than i know i ever give Him.