"i'm the creation, You're the Creator, i am imperfect, You're the Redeemer, i'm filled with questions, You are the Answer, i am a sinner, You are my Savior. You are the One for me. and i belong to You. for the record i'm a full-time failure, You know me better than i know myself." -Mandi Mapes, "You're the one for me"

Sunday, January 30, 2011

New Preparations

So. (i begin alot of sentences with so. weird) i had determined to start the Radical Bible reading plan, which follows the Bible chronologically through the year, at the beginning of this year. and then things happened, which isn't an excuse, but things happened. i thought i would be able to catch up, but that is looking like it won't happen. so starting tomorrow, Jan. 31, i will begin the reading plan. i'm still trying to determine if i should read in the morning or night, but i think just reading will work for now.

in other news. God is so freakin incredible. i had some amazing conversations with people this weekend, and so major things happened for me personally. i don't really think i'm going to share them over the internet, i'm not that open, but just know that God works in marvelous and mysterious and wonderful ways.

and finally. this morning i subbed in at the nursery at my church. 8 one year olds. all crying. (made me glad im not a mom, at least not now). i love children, thats where my heart lies, but at one point just looking at the room had me dying laughing because everything was so crazy. i was sort of complaining to someone about it later before the service, and he just said that it was preparation for Guatemala. i hadn't even thought about that. we will be working with orphans while in Antigua, and this craziness is most likely very similar to what we'll see in Guatemala. but what if everything in life was preparation for something else. crazy to think right. but because God has so orchestrated this world and my life, everything has a purpose.

i really enjoy reading. like really. but i also enjoy remembering little details from the beginning of the book that have a monumental change on the ending of the book. little characters who have a huge impact, all that stuff is incredible to me. just to think that an author would have paid that much attention to little things in the beginning. God is the Author of our lives (total cliche i know). but i love thinking about what little moments and sermons and people who cross my path could have a huge impact later. and also vice versa. what impact could i have on people for the Glory of the Lord.

Again, just thinking about the eternal. scary cool.

34 days.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

just a jumble

So i realize that last post, my first post, is a wee bit crazy. i've just had so many thoughts in my head over these past few weeks i can't get them all together. God is doing alot with me right now, and i'm changing the way i think and act (at least i hope) in order to more better represent Jesus to this world. There are hundreds of phrases throughout hundreds of verses in Scripture that give example as to what our behavior should look like. 

One i've really taken to is James 1:19 - Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak and sow to anger. i usually take the opposite route of those three listed. i don't truly listen to people, i talk whenever a thought hits me and while i'm not an angry person, things can make me angry real fast. Recently though, i've been trying, and many times doing it without realizing, that as i seek God, these things just happen. i spend more time listening than talking, especially in deeper conversations. i truly think that this is only because of God, and not me trying hard. when i try, i fail. When i let God do - He will succeed for His glory. 

In other news, i have been giving the opportunity to serve the Lord over my spring break in Guatemala (or Guatie as we have taken to calling it.) i'm super duper pumped about this, but also really nervous. i was thinking about it though, even if i was nervous, or even at sometimes didn't want to go - i would have to. god has told me to go, called me. for that week in march, this will be my end of the earth. and because Christ has called me, there is nothing else i should do but go. granted, there are other things i could do, but look where that got Jonah. (i would much prefer 7 days in Guatie to time in a big fish. ugh). but i digress. When God calls you to go, there is nothing else you can do but go - that will be the only place that any person can be in God's will. 

so again, this is still just a jumble of thoughts. but i'll get better. or not. because i'm a failure. He's not.